Pregnant women

What is it about pregnant women?
They seem to be every where. Not only do women keep turning around revealing baby bumps they all seem to be either, where I was when our baby died or where I should be. Sucks really. jealousy  is a sucky emotion. I'm not sure if its the women who's babies didn't die and there for are 7 months pregnant that bug me the most or the ones that are only three or four months.

Meaning they where just reading that amazing little stick with its two pink lines right when I was burring my son.  They are just in that "safe zone" just where people, like me, who don't know them can look at them and say "oh somebody's pregnant."  Part of me feels happy for them, another part of me wonders if their baby, that they think is safe, is just going to die. It happens. In my head I can see myself walking up to them and saying " past 12 weeks, you think your safe, guess what your not." Part of me wants to tell them "I had that satisfied 'I've got a secret smile' too. it doesn't last."

But then another part of me, a better part of me, sees those women and hopes with all my heart that they stay blissfully ignorant of the dark side that I am inhabiting.  I don't want their bubbles to burst, I want them to have their babies, because if they do then, maybe I can.
I am trying much harder this year to see them, with their arched backs and round fronts as symbols of hope.

Reminders, of why I cannot give in to bitterness and resentment and become one of those women on "trying to get pregnant" forums who is so consumed by want, envy, and despair that they have become empty and mean.

So, Peace and healthy babies for all pregnant women, and this year hopefully that will include me.