edd

This weekend our edd. sucks. I thought it was going to be harder, and I think with out the huge amount of pregnancy symptoms, not to mention the pregnancy it self, it would be very very hard. I feel bad some times that I don't worry/ miss our baby more. I have been trying to think more about how in October we are going to have a baby and not worry that something bad will happen this time too.

It is hard though I find there is a lack of joy and excitement with this pregnancy, I am less in awe of what my body can do and more weary of it. I think that it will pass a few more weeks, actually showing not being as sick anymore getting past the point that we've never been past before.

The new looming date to get past when we might be able to breath a little easier. Helps too that this weekend I get to see my BFF and shop for maternity pants as my regular pants have given up, and get our new puppy. A little detraction to keep my mind off of what would have could have happened this weekend. 
I am calm and feel at peace with the whole thing, something I would not have felt possible and while it is hard to think about I find I'm excited about our 1st appointment on the 22 and celebrating in little ways this pregnancy on its own with out the shadows of what could have been hanging over it.